3 Reasons Why You Should Go to Marriage Counseling the First Time your Partner Asks
As a Couples therapist in Miami, I often hear in my marriage counseling sessions one partner saying that they had asked the other partner to go to therapy many times before they agreed to begin couples counseling. I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to start couples counseling. There is so much unknown about couples therapy that it can be scary and daunting to commit yourself to something that you know little about. On top of that, it can be even harder to agree to something that you know nothing about when you and your partner are in a challenging time in your relationship.
Many partners express that they felt the way marriage counseling was presented sounded like a threat. They share that couples counseling sounded like a punishment and since it was framed that way, or they heard it that way, it didn’t sound like something that would be helpful. They didn’t want to engage in something that their partner would want to do or that was phrased as a punishment- and I understand that!
I can understand that and at the same time I also want to share why you might want to take your partner up on that request to go to marriage counseling the first them they request relationship counseling. As a couples therapist in Miami I work with many couples who come into the office and share how one of them isn’t too sure about the process. I also work with many couples, often the same ones I just mentioned, that say that they wish they had done couples therapy earlier. You are not alone if you are hesitant, nervous or worried about starting the process of therapy.
Here are a few reasons why it might be valuable to start marriage counseling sooner rather than later.
#1 Reason to Start Marriage Counseling Sooner: Unresolved issues in a marriage get worse
The nature of many problems in a marriage or relationship is that the couple feels like they have tried to fix the problem but are unsure how to. They might try different solutions and realize that those attempts at fixing the problem, either makes the situation worse or complicate it. Another factor to take into account is that when problems in a relationship are not resolved, the distance between the two members of the couple can increase over time. The divides and walls that are built around the problem to protect each other gets stronger and higher and it becomes harder to be vulnerable with each other because there is so much fear and history around getting hurt. Keep this in mind if your husband or wife asks you to try marriage counseling.
#2 Reason to Start Couples Counseling Sooner: Over time Resentment and Contempt can Build Up
Gottman, the leading researcher in couples therapy, often discusses the four horseman: elements in a relationship that can lead to divorce or relationship issues. One of the four horseman is contempt. Contempt goes beyond criticism. When there is contempt one or both partners can feel as the other has no worth or they despise each other. Some signs of contempt are sarcasm, copying body language, calling your partner names or ridicule. It is the greatest predictor of divorce and so it is important that issues in the relationship are addressed prior to contempt building up between the couple.
When problems are not resolved then each member of the couple keeps on getting hurt. When there is hurt there is pain and when there is pain it can build up into anger and contempt. It is that process and dynamic of contempt that is really hard to break. This is why it can be valuable to go to marriage counseling the first time your partner asks- to avoid or diminish contempt.
#3 Reason to Start Couples Therapy Sooner: Responding to you partners relationship need can Build Connection
Part of relationships involves each member reaching out to the other to try and connect. These bids for connection can look like many different things but each is an attempt to get connection, acceptance or affection. Requesting to go to therapy can be one way a partner might request a connection. It might be masked as a threat but deep underneath I imagine that the partner wants to find a way to resolve the problems you as a couple are having so that you both can reconnect again. If you respond to the need to connect that you partner is requesting with acceptance rather then rejection, that might the first step in the right direction towards healing.
Begin Online Couples Therapy in Florida or Marriage Counseling Miami:
Hi! My name is April. Brown, LMFT. I am a couples therapist in Miami that offers marriage counseling in Miami and couples therapy in Miami. I also offer virtual counseling online for clients in the state of Florida. If you feel like marriage counseling might be something you want to try please feel free to reach out with any questions you might have. I know marriage counseling Miami and couples counseling Miami can be daunting but we are here to answer any questions you have and make the process less scary. To begin couples therapy in Miami or online couples therapy in Florida, please follow these steps:
Contact our Miami couples therapist for counseling in Miami or online in Florida
Request an initial consultation appointment with a therapist who specializes in marriage counseling,
Work toward healing the pain and problems in your marriage and feel connected in your relationship again
Other Counseling in Miami Services Offered at The Heard Counseling:
The Heard Counseling and April Brown, LMFT offer marriage counseling in Miami and counseling online in Florida for teens, adults and couples at our therapy office in Miami, Florida. In addition to offering marriage counseling in Miami and couples counseling in Miami, our Miami therapists also offer birth trauma therapy for couples and indiviudals, anxiety therapy for couples and indiviudals, therapy for dads, therapy for moms in Miami, infertility counseling and relationship support, therapy for women and families who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss, and counseling for teens. We welcome your partner and yourself, or yourself- whatever you think might be more helpful. Check out our blog for valuable mental health tips to help you in your journey of healing. Contact their counseling office to learn more about the many ways they can help you improve your relationship and marriage through marriage counseling and couples therapy in Miami.