3 Things People Need to Know About Marriage Counseling by a Couples Therapist
There is something daunting about therapy but something even more scarier about marriage counseling and couples therapy. Many partners think that marriage counseling will just be time where the therapist and your partner gang up on you and tell you everything you are doing wrong. Its an investment of time and money and you don’t want to pay to be blamed. You are already sick of arguing so the thought of going somewhere where you just argue more can feel exhausting and scary. As a couples therapist in Miami (I offer marriage counseling in Miami and online in Florida), I have seen many couples come to start marriage counseling in my office in Miami and they express this exact sentiment. They feel like they are being dragged here by their partner and they don’t feel that this will be valuable. Over time the partner whom was not up for couples therapy, shares with me how they see the value and have come to appreciate this resource and tool that therapy is to them. For this reason, I have created a list of three things couples wish they knew about marriage counseling before they started therapy. I hope this might be helpful for you or someone you know who wants to start couples therapy.
#1: The Therapist Will Not Take Sides in Marriage Counseling
This can feel like a very strange concept, but a good couples therapist will not take sides. They will not say that either side is right or wrong. It is not about being right or wrong in marriage counseling, it is about understanding that in a relationship both people impact the dynamic in the relationship. Marriage counseling is about finding ways to shift that dynamic so that there are changes in the relationship. In my office in Miami, many couples want to start arguing less and communicate better. In this situation, we will focus on the dynamics around how they fight, what triggers the fighting. We focus less in couples therapy about what you are fighting about and more on the way that you fight, and how you can fight “better”.
#2: The Therapist Will not Blame Either Party in Marriage Counseling
This is a major concern for many husbands in heterosexual couples (this is a broad generalization made for education purposes and not always the case). A common dynamic that I see in a heterosexual couple when they are starting marriage counseling is the husband will be asked to come to therapy by the wife. At first the husband might redirect the conversation and not want to go to therapy. The husband might be unsure about therapy because he feels that the wife is just using therapy to get someone on her side and to blame him for their issues in their marriage. I want to tell you now that a good couples therapist will not blame either party. This will not be an hour of bashing or admonishing one party or another. This is not what therapy is about and there will be no growth or change in the relationship when there is blame or shame. In my couples therapy sessions I focus on the opposite: on trying to release the couple and the two individuals from shame and blame and find ways to communicate and connect as a couple.
#3: You Won’t Rehash Arguments, But Focus on Your Dynamics in Couples Therapy
Many couples that come to counseling think that it will just be another hour out of their week where they argue. Already exhausted from all the arguing at home, the idea that marriage counseling is an hour a week where you are paying to argue sounds miserable. This is not what couples therapy is about. Instead the couples therapist will deescalate the argument if they arise in the session and move the focus away from triggers and the argument, and instead focus on the emotions behind the argument- the deeper reason why they are arguing, instead of the content that they are arguing about.
Often couples therapists have rules and boundaries around arguing so that marriage counseling is a safe place where no one gets hurt or feels like it is an arena for continued pain. If you are worried that this might be the case with you, then ask the couples therapist before beginning therapy how she/he might handle arguing in session and what rules or boundaries she has set in place to avoid escalation. If there are years and years of pain and suffering it can be hard to break down those barriers and pain that has been built up between the couple. Healing will not happen over night. But with continued work, showing up and support in marriage counseling, change and healing can take place.
Begin Marriage Counseling Miami or Online Marriage Counseling in Florida:
I am a couples therapist in Miami that offers marriage counseling in Miami and couples therapy in Miami. I also offer virtual counseling online for clients in the state of Florida. If you are struggling in your marriage or relationship and don’t know how to make things better, marriage counseling and couples therapy can help.To begin couples therapy in Miami or online couples therapy in Florida, please follow these steps:
Contact our Miami therapist for counseling in Miami or online in Florida
Request an initial consultation appointment with a therapist who specializes in marriage counseling,
Find better connected in you relationship thanks to marriage counseling
Other Counseling in Miami Services Offered at The Heard Counseling:
The Heard Counseling and April Brown, LMFT offer counseling in Miami and counseling online in Florida for teens, adults and couples at our therapy center based in Miami, Florida. In addition to offering marriage counseling in Miami and couples counseling in Miami, our Miami therapists also offer birth trauma therapy, anxiety therapy, therapy for dads, therapy for moms in Miami, infertility counseling and relationship support, therapy for women and families who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss, and counseling for teens. Check out their blog for valuable mental health tips to help you in your journey of healing. Contact their counseling office to learn more about the many ways they can help you improve your relationship and marriage.