Pregnancy After Loss: Coping with Mixed Feelings Regarding Your Pregnancy

You’ve experienced a pregnancy loss, or miscarriage, and you may be struggling with the idea of that still. Coping with a pregnancy loss can take a lot of time, and very few people can understand that unique pain unless they’ve been through it themselves. Now, you’re pregnant again, and struggling with the new (and often conflicting) feelings of excitement and happiness, but also the overwhelming remaining feelings of fear, sadness, and overwhelming grief or possibly even guilt. 

These feelings are all completely normal, and it is important to remember that these feelings are all valid and need to be processed in order for you to work through them. Pregnancy after loss is incredibly exciting, but many times it can also be overwhelming and terrifying – so, here are some tips for coping with these mixed feelings.  However, it is important to remember that there are therapists that specialize in pregnancy and infant loss and they can be great assets to seek out when going through this difficult time.

First, Recognize the Unique Stages of Grief after Pregnancy After Loss

Everyone has heard of the “Stages of Grief” – but very few people recognize that it is something that they experience too.  Oftentimes, people can recognize the stages of grief in others – but not themselves.  The stages of grief associated with pregnancy and infant loss are unique and something that you and your loved ones should be aware of! The first stage is denial, it may be difficult for you to grasp what actually happened, it may seem almost impossible to come to terms with. The second is guilt – you may wonder if there was anything you could have done to avoid being in this situation. The third stage is anger – you may feel feelings of anger towards yourself, toward your partner, the doctors, etc. Fourth stage is, depression – you may find yourself lacking enjoyment in previously enjoyed activities, exhaustion, changes in eating habits or sleeping habits. The fifth stage is, envy – you may find yourself feeling incredibly jealous and hateful towards expectant parents or new parents, for having what you were meant to have. Finally, the sixth stage is yearning – you may feel an intense and unquenchable desire to be with your baby or you may wonder what it would have been like to have them with you now (Mayo Clinic, 2021).

It’s important to remember that everyone grieves differently.  You may experience all of these stages or skip some – and some stages may take you longer to get through than others.  This is all normal, and unfortunately part of the grieving process.  However, if at any point you feel as though you are struggling to the point that it is unbearable and you need some help through this process – a pregnancy and infant loss therapist would be a great person to seek out, as they can help guide you through the grief and healing process.

Second, Allow Yourself to Celebrate and Remember after Miscarriage

It is important to remember that while you are going through this pain and loss, your partner is too – and your loved ones are likely experiencing some of these feelings to a smaller degree.  The point being, you are not alone, and you are likely not the only person experiencing these confusing and painful feelings!  Lean on your support network, whether that support network is your entire family, or just your partner! Talk about how you are feeling, talk about your baby – what you wanted to name him/her.  It may be helpful to plan a memorial service or have some made in honor of your baby such as, a customizes piece of jewelry, or having a tree planted (Mayo Clinic, 2021).  It may be painful, but it is important (and healthy) to remember your baby, celebrate your baby, and lean on your support network.  Just because you experienced pregnancy and infant loss, does not mean you should try to pretend like it never happened.

Finally, Seek Support from a Professional Therapist …

After experiencing a pregnancy and infant loss, and then maybe you are finally getting pregnant again, maybe not – either way, your body is going through a lot physically.  You are likely seeing many doctors to make sure that physically everything is going right.  But, what about your mental health? Going through all of this can bring up a lot of conflicting feelings, fears, and can cause a lot of turmoil within you.  One of the best things that you can do is to seek help in infertility counseling, or a therapist that specializes in pregnancy and infant loss. You and you partner can go attend counseling together and learn how to best support each other through this difficult and exciting time! Remember, you and your partner don’t have to do this alone and seeking the support from a professional can dramatically help the healing process and allow you to both be a stronger support for the other!

How We Can Help…

If you have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss in Miami and you are looking for a therapist, we are here to help! With a team of some of the best infertility therapists in Florida, as well as a team of some of the best therapists in Miami specializing in pregnancy and infant loss – we can walk with you on this incredibly difficult journey and help you through the grieving process, as well as help you onto the path of recovery and healing! Asking for help can be difficult, but remember you are worth it, and you deserve to get help.  You are already experiencing the worst thing ever, allow someone to help you through that. You are not alone; we can absolutely help!