Tips to Help You Emotionally Cope During Your C-Section Recovery

Whether having an elective c-section or if you had an emergency c-section or unplanned c-section, the recovery from the surgery can be a lot, both physical and emotionally. The more I hear from mothers, and reflect on my own experience, the more I realize that the emotional burden that can accompany us after having a c-section can be the most challenging part of the experience.

The doctors and nurses will discuss with us about how to take care of the wound, what medication to take and how to get in and out of the bed to decrease the pain, yet no one tells us how to manage the unmet expectations, the feeling of failure, or trauma that can accompany us after a severe surgery like a cesarean section.

We Didn’t get the Birth we Wanted

Often during our pregnancy, and even years before, we begin to create expectations of what we want our birth of our child to be like. Ever since we were young, we have been inundated with messages about what birth is like from the media, movies and now social media.

We see a happy mother pushing in a hospital who then describes seeing her baby as the most joyous moment in her life. For many women, birth doesn’t look like this. Birth can be scary, overwhelming, dis-empowering, lonely and traumatic. We don’t talk about these experiences, the real experiences, enough and so we are left to believe that birth is all beautiful, happy and vaginal.

This is far from the truth.

I hear a lot of mothers say that they did not get the birth they wanted and that becomes really painful for them. I can understand this, I went through this experience myself. You equate having a vaginal birth as health and happiness. You feel that in order to be a good mother you have to give birth vaginally, maybe even with minimal medication.

C-sections were once not as prevalent as they are now. With the rise of medical interventions, which have many benefits, come a rise in a movement that rejects a lot of these modern medicine interventions. There is a huge push taking place right now that is guiding mothers toward less medical interventions. Though there are great benefits from the shifting of the pendulum it also creates huge expectations for mothers as to what birth should be.

I am one of those mothers that wanted few-to-no interventions in birth. I felt that birth was and is supposed to be “natural” and I didn’t want pain medications, I didn’t even want to give birth in a hospital… and I will let you in on a secret, I still hold these ideas and values highly- so much that I still long for another birth that looks like this. However, we live in a system that prioritizes safety above all, and sometimes is extra cautious- not allowing for this birth that you intended.

When our expectation for birth are not met, it can be debilitating.

Why Am I So Sad about Having a C-section?

We are told by society that having a child is the most important moment of your life- we are told that it should and will be the happiest moment of our life. So, when it isn’t the happiest moment of our life, when we experience pain, shock, exhaustion, trauma, sadness, we don’t just not meet the expectations we had around birth but we miss them by a long shot.

This is where we need to grieve the loss and the changes, however society doesn’t even allow us to that.

Since we are told that this should be the happiest moment of our life, we are not given permission to honor the emotions we are feeling; emotions that are in stark contrast to the ones we see in pictures of newborns and mothers plastered on Instagram and social media. We are not allowed to grieve; we are not allowed to be sad.

Let this be the permission you might need to know that it is okay to be sad after you give birth.

It is okay to not feel like you are happy or that you lost something that you felt you wanted to dearly.

It is not your fault you are feeling this way and there are things you can do to feel better.  

Tips to Feel Better Emotionally After a C-Section

1. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions- sadness, grief, overwhelm, confusion, numbness, pain

2. Accept that this is not your fault

   • Understand that the reason you are feeling these emotions is not your fault. It is the result of unmet expectations. Expectations that are the result of societal pressures informing us what a good mother looks like, how a mother should give birth and what you should feel like after birth

3. Find someone you trust to listen to your experience and share with them all the emotions you are feeling

   • If you feel that you wish to talk to someone outside of your family and friends about this experience then a therapist in Miami who specializes in working with Moms in Miami would be a great step

4. Connect with other Moms who have had similar birth experiences to you

My Experience with Therapy in Miami

After I gave birth to my baby through a c-section, I had to allow myself to grieve the birth I had envisioned. I had envisioned me spontaneously going into labor, laboring at home, my doula coming to our house and helping me labor until I was ready to go to the birthing house. I had envisioned a painful, hard, exhausting experience, but one that felt liberating and powerful. I wanted this because I wanted a transformative experience, I wanted something to mark the transition from woman to mother and in my head it HAD to look like this.

What I came to realize is that a c-section birth often requires more strength. I was not weak because I had a c-section. I conquered fears, pain, immobility, confusion, blaring hospital lights, painful bowl movements, nausea and more. I got through all of that.

C-section mothers are so strong, often stronger that you know, stronger then you believe. 

When I knew that I would have to have a planned c-section, my little turned breach late in my 3rd trimester and didn’t move, I made an appointment with my therapist in Miami. She offers Marriage Counseling in Miami but she has also helped me walk through my journey as a new Mom. She helped me process my expectations around birth, why I had them, and how they were built on false beliefs. Seeing my distorted belief system allowed me to begin the process of accepting what my birth would look like and how I could create a healthy and safe beginning for my little one through a c-section birth.

Therapy in Miami

Therapy was really helpful for me and so I hope it might be a tool for you to use as well if you are feeling like you are struggling with the emotions around you c-section birth. I am a Miami Therapist offering therapy in Miami for new Moms. I also offer Marriage Counseling in Miami to support couples transition during this time.

Begin Therapy In Miami:

Mama, you are not alone in this and things can be different for you. We are here to help you begin to find acceptance in your birth and joy. To begin therapy in Miami, follow these steps.

1. Contact our therapists in Miami,

2. Request an initial consultation appointment with an online therapist

3. Allow yourself the opportunity to heal through counseling.

Other Services Offered at the Heard Counseling:

The Heard Counseling offers therapy in Miami tailored to meet the mental health needs of adults and couples at our therapy center based in Miami, Florida. Right now, they are offering all their counseling services via online therapy in Florida . In addition to therapy for moms, they also offer therapy for dads, postpartum anxiety and postpartum anxiety treatment, birth trauma treatment, infertility counseling and support, therapy for women and families who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss., and counseling for teens. We we offer therapy in Miami for couples, adults and teenagers. Marriage counseling in Miami can be very helpful for new parents. Check out their blog for valuable mental health and wellness ideas. Contact their counseling office to learn more about the many ways they can help you live well.