Ways to support grieving parents after a pregnancy or infant loss.
It can be devastating to hear that a friend, family member or parent your know have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss. You want to help, you want to support the parents and be there for them, but you do not know what to say and do.
Going through a miscarriage, pregnancy or infant loss can be extremely painful for the parents. For many parents, they see and acknowledge this loss as if it was a loss of a child- no matter what the gestational age was of the baby. Miscarriage is very common amongst parents and mothers, but we do not talk about it enough. We don’t talk about it enough because there is a pervading shame and guilt around the topic. However, slowly things are starting to change in society as we begin to hear more people speak about the loss.
If you are friends of parents who are grieving the loss of their pregnancy or infant, here are a few things to say, do and not say and do, to show your support.
What to say to a parent going through pregnancy and infant loss
It can be challenging to know what to say to someone who is grieving the loss of a pregnancy or infant loss. You might not want to say the wrong thing, so you refrain from reaching out to them entirely. It is important to know, that you reaching out is not going to remind them of their loss- they are always thinking about the loss.
When reaching out, you might want to refrain from asking, “How are you?” This can sometimes make the parent feel like they have to respond when they feel like they don’t have the energy to engage with others. Instead, you might want to text them and just let them know that you are thinking about them. In the past, when I know parents that are grieving the loss of a pregnancy or infant loss, I will text them, “Please don’t feel like you have to respond, but, I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and am so so sorry for this loss and pain you are going through.” The first part, gives them permission to not feel like they have to respond. It can be overwhelming when you are grieving to feel like you have to respond to people- parents often do not have the energy to respond. That permission to not respond, can feel liberating and freeing. Secondly, I don’t ask how they are but just let them know that they are not alone. Lastly, I acknowledge the pain they must be experiencing, offering validation of their feelings. A pregnancy loss, infant loss or miscarriage, can be so so painful, no matter the circumstances.
What not to say to a parent going through a pregnancy and infant loss
As important as it is to say the right thing when reaching out to a parent who has gone through a miscarriage, pregnancy or infant loss, it is also important to refrain from saying certain things. You want to refrain from saying things like, “everything happens for a reason”, “you will have other kids” or, trying to cheer them up. Let them know that you are there for them if they ever want to talk about their experience or their child.
Order A grieving parent a warm meal
Often people will wonder if there is anything that they can do for a parent who is grieving the loss of a pregnancy, miscarriage or going through infant loss. I always respond that there is something healing and calming about a warm meal. You might cook something and then drop it off at their house, or you might order something for them on ubereats. Alternatively, you might buy them a gift card to their favorite restaurant. However you wish to share the meal, you want to make sure that you do it in a way where they do not feel obliged to see you. Drop it off at their house, but do not make them feel like they have to see you. During this time of grief and loss, the thought of having to connect with others in anyway can feel very overwhelming.
Small Thoughtful gift ideas for parent going through pregnancy or infant loss
Another option to show your support for a parent who is going through a miscarriage, or pregnancy or infant loss, is to send them a small thoughtful gift. This might be there favorite cookies, or a pair of cozy slippers to comfort them during this time. Whatever you might buy, make is something small and delivered in a way that the parent does not feel bombarded or indebted to the giver. Grief is a very personal journey and you want to give in a way that allows the person to feel safe and comfortable to not have to reach out to thank you for the gift if they are not ready to connect with others.
Therapy for parents who are grieving a pregnancy or infant loss
The pain that you go through after a miscarriage, pregnancy or infant loss can be unbearable. It can feel like you don’t know how you will move on after such loss. There are so many emotions that can accompany a parent that is grieving the loss of a child, some that can be too overwhelming to process and deal with alone. Therapy can help a parent who is grieving a pregnancy or infant loss. We offer therapy in Miami, Florida for parents that are grieving. We offer online therapy for parents that live in Florida. You can learn more about or approach in therapy for parents who are grieving a pregnancy or infant loss HERE.
Begin Online Therapy for Pregnancy and Infant Loss in Florida:
At The Heard Counseling, we know that pain after loss. You don’t know how you are going to move on, you physically feel in so much pain. But, we don’t want you to continue to suffer through your grief alone. We will help you honor your child and think about ways you can move forward from grief to find peace again. To begin online therapy in Florida, follow these steps:
Contact our South Florida counseling center,
Request an initial consultation appointment with an online therapist
Allow yourself the opportunity to heal and find peace through counseling.
OTHER SERVICES OFFERED AT THE HEARD COUNSELING:
The Heard Counseling offers mental health services tailored to meet the mental health needs of adults, teengers and couples at our therapy center based in Miami, Florida. We offer all their therapy services via online therapy in Florida. In addition to therapy for Pregnancy and Infant Loss, they also offer postpartum anxiety and postpartum anxiety treatment, birth trauma treatment, therapy for dads, therapy for moms, and counseling for teens. Check out their blog for valuable mental health tips. Contact their counseling office to learn more about the many ways they can help you live well.