Why Teens Don’t Talk to Their Parents
It can be really hard as a parent when your teenager refuses to open up to you, locks themselves in their room and responds to every question you ask with, “I don’t know”. You have always said that you want your teenager and kids to come to you whenever they need help, but that reality isn’t always easy. A lot of parents say that their teens shut down when they are around and refuse to share anything with them, especially any pain or problems they are having. It can be frustrating as a parent because you want to help, you want to be there for your teenager, but you don’t know how to encourage them to open up with you. As a teen therapist, I see this dynamic a lot and there are a few reasons why this might be happening.
Their role in the family is to protect their parents
All families have overt and covert rules by which people in the specific family follow. Some examples of overt rules might be, you do not leave the table until everyone is finished or you do not bother your father when he is on a business call. Some of the covert rules might include who listens to who, who is allowed to do certain things and what topics it is okay to talk about and what topics are off limits. Each family member also occupies a different role in that family system. Sometimes due to the dynamics of the family, a teenager might act as the protector of one or both of their parents. This dynamic can take place when there is tension between the two parents, or when one parent is abusive or manipulative, or when one of the parents is physically or mentally ill- to name just a few reasons. This process, where the teen takes on a role as a parent or protective figure, is often called parentification. Parentification have varying degrees, depending on the family dynamics, but often when a teenager is in this role, they will not open up with their parent or share their pain out of fear of hurting or burdening the parent. The teenager sees themselves as the protector of their parent so they cannot ask for emotional support from their own parent.
It is not accepted to open up and share pain with others in the family
I often here in my therapy practice in Miami, Florida and online in Florida, that parents want their teenagers and children to open up with them and share their emotions and feelings. However, very often the parents themselves do not open up and share their feelings with each other. Sharing and expressing emotions, especially painful ones, is a learned experience. If they have seen that their parents do not feel comfortable enough to share their emotions, then they will learn that it is not safe to do so. If you think this might be the case with your teenager and your family, ask yourself, if other members of the family feel comfortable sharing their pain. It might be that the teen never learned that it is okay to share how they are feeling.
Teen does not feel comfortable being vulnerable with the parent
It can be hard to be vulnerable. Most adults do not feel safe sharing their pain with others and yet we ask that of our children and teenagers all the time. In order for teens to share their pain with their parents they need to feel safe. This means they need to feel as if their parent will truly listen, not offer advice instantly and not offer judgement. Teenagers are keenly sensitive toward judgment because they are still trying to figure out who they are. They are also very sensitive to parents taking a hierarchical stance and assuming that the parents know everything. Though as parents we might have more life experience, we do not know what it is like to be a teenager right now, in this culture and society. When you engage in a conversation with your teenager, go into it with curiosity and without assumption. See if the conversation goes any differently.
Counseling for Teens in Miami, Florida and Online Counseling for Teens in Florida
As parents we just want to see our teenagers and children happy. We worry about our teens because we don’t know what is going on in their heads because they share very little with us. It might seem like your teenager is getting further and further away from you as they don’t want to spend time with you and share very little with you. Being a parent to a teenager is hard. You might be worried about your teenager’s mental health but they won’t open up to you. If this is the case, it might be helpful for your teenager to start teen counseling in Miami, Florida or teen counseling online in Florida with one of our teen therapists here at The Heard Counseling. We work with countless teenagers and their families to get the teenager feeling like themselves again. If you want to learn more about how we work with teenagers in therapy you can read more about our work HERE.
Begin Counseling for Teens in Miami, FL:
If your teen is not opening up to you and is dealing with anxiety or depression and you’re ready to get them help, then teen counseling may be the answer you’re looking for. We would be honored to support your teen and your family as find support to help your teenager. To begin online therapy in Florida, follow these steps:
Contact our South Florida counseling center,
Request an initial consultation appointment with an online therapist
Allow yourself the opportunity to heal and find peace through counseling.
Other services offered at the heard counseling:
The Heard Counseling offers counseling services for the mental health needs of teens, adults, couples, and families at our therapy center based in Miami, Florida. Right now, we are offering online therapy in Florida . In addition to teen therapy, we also offer postpartum anxiety and postpartum anxiety treatment, birth trauma treatment, therapy for moms, therapy for dads, infertility counseling, and therapy for women and families who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. Check out their blog for valuable mental health tips. Reach out to their counseling office to learn more about the many ways they can help you get back to feeling yourself.