3 simple ways to bond with your newborn
We often think that when our baby is born we will instantly feel connected to it. This is not always the truth and this is 100 percent okay. There are a lot of factors that go into connection and bonding at birth between the baby and the mom and a lot are not to do with the mother and baby but because of the environment of the birth. Some factors that can impact the bond between mom and baby are whether the pregnancy was an unplanned pregnancy, if there are birth interventions and strong medications used during birth, whether it was a long labor, any trauma experienced during the birth, the mental health of the birthing mom, family dynamics and financial well-being of the birthing mother and family. It is important to know that there can also be barriers to bonding. Often mothers who gave birth through a c-section (cesarean section) will talk about how it was hard for them to not be able to be as hands on with the baby in the beginning because they were recovering from a serious surgery. If the baby is in the NICU or if the mother is unable to be close after their baby postpartum, the mom might feel like they are not as connected to the baby as they wished.
Bonding is a social, emotional and physiological experience. There are hormones that are involved in the bonding between mother and child but there is also psychological and social factors as well. Here are few things you can do with your newborn baby to bond and feel more connected.
Skin to Skin with you Baby
We hear this a lot but it is important to know exactly what they mean. The more skin exposed the better. Try lying in your bed with as little clothes as possible- just with underwear is best. Remove all clothes from the baby, leaving the diaper. Try to stay in the position as long as possible. For many moms that are finding they are struggling to bond with their baby, this can feel very vulnerable. Know at first it will feel like that- that is okay. Lean into it and know that it will take time for this to feel good or better. The reason professionals talk about the importance of skin-to-skin so much is that research has shown that this increases the hormones involved with bonding. Many Moms also find doing skin to skin in the bath to be extremely helpful. Just talk to your healthcare provider about when you are able to have a bath postpartum and what safety measures to take to ensure the safety of yourself and the baby.
Look At Your Baby in the Face & Do the 5-4-3-2-1 calming technique
It can seem like a silly task but connecting with you child by looking at them face to face can be hugely helpful in bonding. Go through every detail of their face and body. Go through the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory task but with your baby. Find 5 things you can see about your baby and describe them in detail. Find four things you can touch on your baby and explore the different textures. Find 3 things you smell, two things you can hear, and 1 you can taste. Having a full sensory experience with your child can really allow your body to connect with your baby. Do this task when you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed. It can help you calm you nervous system
Be Hands On
This was a hard one for my postpartum. I was struggling with a C-section recovery and really felt the impact my recovery was having on my bond with baby. Though you might be physically incapable of doing certain things, I encourage you to try and adapt and modify things so you can change the diaper, change her clothes and feed your baby. I know you might want to have family members or your partner do those tasks in the early days as you recover, but it is important to try and connect with the baby during those moments. Take into consideration what you physically can do, if you are physically limited. See if your partner can bring the baby to the bed and change her clothes or diaper in a safe space. Always think of safety for both you and the baby, but don’t let that stop you from connecting in those few weeks postpartum.
If you are struggling to bond with your baby. Know you are not alone. I struggled for weeks and weeks, many even months to connect with my baby. Therapy really helped me address any psychological or social blocks to my bonding and are very thankful that I had access to the therapy I needed when I was feeling disconnected from my baby. If you two are feeling disconnected from your baby and want things to be different, know that therapy can help reconnect you to your child and understand what might be going on.
The Heard Counseling offers mental health services tailored to meet the needs of parents after having a baby at our therapy center based in Miami, Florida. Right now, they are offering all their counseling services via online therapy. In addition to helping you bond with your baby, they also offer birth trauma treatment, anxiety therapy, therapy for dads, therapy for moms, infertility counseling and support, therapy for women and families who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss, and counseling for teens. Check out their blog for valuable mental health tips. Contact their counseling office to learn more about the many ways they can help you live well. You may also schedule a 20 minute free call with our therapist.